oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
