What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
