I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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