I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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