I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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