is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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