My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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