Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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