dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
