I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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