we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
