I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
