Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
