Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
