Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
