Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
