You really coming over, don't trick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
