I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
