omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
