Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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