Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
