Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
