I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize