the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
