And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
