You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
