our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
