i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
