I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
