wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
