So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate all girls vehemently.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
