the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
