dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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