he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
