just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
