I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
