The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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