your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
