i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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