im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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