Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
