Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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