So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
