Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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