Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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