big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
