dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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