i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
