i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
