jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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